WITH MATHEW O. EHIKWE

 The rules of relationships that are true in courtship are also true when you get married. And when you are able to stay away from things that kill your re­lationships, it will help you build a bigger, better, robust and a deeper relationship.

Proverbs 24:3-4 “Through wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” For you to have something established in life, be it a home or a life; for whatever you are involved in to be established, for it to move so that it is well rooted and well grounded, not shaking by any storm so that any little shaking it falls, for you to have something that is deep, you’ll require wisdom.

Wisdom is the application of knowledge and under­standing is the crossover between wisdom and knowl­edge. Therefore, when you have knowledge, you need to have wisdom and understanding is in the middle. For you to say something has become wisdom you have under­stood the knowledge and you have applied it. And that’s what we teach here, to get you wisdom for your life and wisdom for your relationships. You therefore want to be established in life and whatever ventures you go into, you need wisdom.

You see the wisdom that you need is the wisdom that is from above. The Bible says that the spirit of man is the candle of the Lord. The Bible also says that it is only God that can unravel mysteries. That sometimes things are concealed but it is only God that can unravel it and there­fore when you launch into the wisdom of God it begins to show you some things that are hidden, that the ordinary eye cannot see because they are mysteries. Mysteries are not meant to be hidden from us, but they are. Therefore, if hidden, wisdom therefore becomes a treasure that we should look for, that we need to use our lives to seek and if we do not seek wisdom, what happens is that we cross over to foolishness. We are prone to making mistakes. It is not about making the mistakes; it is about the gravity of the mistakes you make sometimes.

Consider These Killers:

1. IGNORANCE: Ignorance is now not an excuse because there is a place you go for wisdom. Some mistakes are easily rectifiable, while some other ones are not. In fact, till you die and leave the surface of the earth, it is possible that those uncorrectable mistakes will continue to stare at you and perhaps, haunt you. God would have forgiven you, but they have left scars in your life. And that’s why we need to make sure that we get proper wisdom to act rather than to rush at things or say “I cannot hold my body” and the likes. One careless thing that you go into, one minute of a mistake that you would make could affect your life throughout. At the same time, you could take a decision, I mean a very good decision and at the end of the day you are happy for it. Why? Because you consulted the right place, you got the right knowledge, you understood it and therefore it establishes you. The Bible says “… by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” You want precious and pleasant riches. Not only physical cash, not only houses, not only gold and silver. Do you know that as you grow up, you get married, have children, your children are do­ing very well, and they are not giving you problems; it’s pleasant and precious riches? Do you know that for you to eat the right things because you have knowledge that some things would affect your body - that is knowledge. That your body doesn’t slow down, some things don’t give you heart attack, it is pleasant and precious riches! Which means the knowledge you get is very critical and therefore the wisdom we are sharing here today are the things that when you do, when you follow step by step, it has the capacity to ensure that your marriage, your relationships are filled with pleasant and precious riches.

Most of the things that can ruin our relationships are completely preventable and avoidable if only we take some few steps, are a bit more patient and seek for knowledge. Without knowledge, we can be assured that some people will perish at the end of the day. So for you to have a good marriage or relationship, you must give it adequate time and you must invest time in getting ad­equate knowledge and wisdom. When you do not invest time, you are looking for trouble. You must be able to trust your partner and trust is earned, not given.

2. SELFISHNESS: You must have regard for your partner’s feelings. It is not all about you, but about what you are going to give in that relationship. You must have regard about how he or she feels. For some people, if they do something and it hurts the world but makes them feel good it is alright! But No! Sometimes when you do some things it doesn’t make other people feel good.

3. ARGUMENT: In your relationship, you can disagree but don’t argue. Arguing rather than disagree­ing can spoil your marriage. Argument often results to conflict and compromise can never be reached. Anytime you have two people in a relationship, no matter where they are, for any period of time, you can be sure that a little conflict is going to occur. There are some things that you like, there are some nuance that you have that the other party doesn’t have and so might step on you if you are not careful (at times even if you are most care­ful). Boundaries would help you put people in the right position to help them know what they should expect from you and what you expect from them, so that you wouldn’t get into a lot of conflicts at all times. It’s not that every conflict is bad, most just show what you like and what you dislike. Nobody goes out deliberately to offend, except you are an evil.

Therefore, there is something he or she probably did not know or overlooked, he or she took a decision and you did not like it. That is why you must understand how people think, don’t just assume things and take offence. Conflict is a natural phenomenon, so when you are in a relationship, remember that we are all products of influences. There are different ways we see things, and therefore when you don’t see things in the same direc­tion, what happens is that there is a conflict.

It is healthy to have conflicts. But you should discuss out your conflicts rather than argue them out, so as to reach a mutual compromise. By this, you will get the air cleared and it is enlightening. So, you are able to know what makes your partner unhappy, and when you know it, you can address it, or fix it. That is why, when you are in a relationship and you are offended, bare your mind out don’t just keep quiet. Because, even if your partner has the gift of discerning spirit, he or she would not know the nitty-gritty of the cause.

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